Last year after our white side by side refrigerator heaved it's last gasping breath and then proceeded to die, bleeding melted ice all over the kitchen floor, we got a new stainless steele model. She is so pretty, so sleek, so modern, so effiicient. Pretty much everything I wish I could be.
Now I know to most everyone, a new refrigerator is not a big deal but after dealing with narrow shelves that required an engineering degree and a Can-Do! attitude in order to find and store food this new frig is a big deal. I affectionately call her Big Bertha. Yes, I also named my car but that's best kept to myself for now lest you discover I'm totally wacko just yet.
Big Bertha has two lovely french doors with wide shelves that hold a take out pizza box or a platter or hors d'oeuvres easily and without requiring me to frown and mutter as I try to angle these items just right without all the food slipping to the edge of the container and forming a food blob. On these doors are an ice and water dispenser which I use constantly as I am a water-holic that drinks water all day when I'm not dreaming up vodka drinks. I love Big Bertha. Except she can be kind of high maintenance. The filter needs to be changed for the water dispenser and because Dad Extraordinaire is out of town, this means it won't be done for at least a month because Lord knows I'm not crazy enough to wander the aisles of the local Home Depot for the filter and then try to install it while the kids either hover around me or worse yet, flee to another room to create havoc while my back is turned. Without the filter changed Bertha chimes. She chimes five times every time you use the water dispenser. Every time. And my kids think it sounds pretty and keep pushing the water dispenser until I remember to set the lock feature.
But wait, these are not her only winning qualities, below these lovely french doors with water dispenser is a pull out freezer. "How ingenius!" I thought when we bought it last year. Now I curse the day someone invented this kind of freezer. And I'm pretty sure it was a man without kids.
This pull out freezer drawer is right at the kid level, just like the sugary cereals at the grocery store. And just like those Sugar Snaps Your Teeth Will Rot Out cereals, my kids can't help but want to pull the drawer open and peer inside. And then they walk away. And I start to hear Big Bertha chiming to let me know that the door is open. How thoughtful Big Bertha, except this always happens when I'm in the bathroom or changing a diaper or otherwise unable to run to Big Bertha and shut the door. And for some reason, my 30 pound plus kids are unable to push the drawer back in properly no matter how much they strain and push and brace their backs against it and shoving with all their might.
This lovely freezer drawer means that Jackalope, the kid who is allergic to just about everything including dairy, has access to the ice cream cake that Dad Extraordinaire purchased for the kids, um me, for Mother's Day. As I'm helping Super H pick out just the right cape for a playdate this morning, I hear the unmistakable sound of the freezer drawer opening. "Jackalope, get out of the freezer!" I holler affectionately from the bedroom as I desperately ask Super H to pick a cape, any cape, please... Now I hear rustling coming from the freezer and that's never good. "Super H, let's take them all!" I announce a bit on the manic side as I stuff the capes under my arm and run to the kitchen. Jackalope, the intrepid two year old explorer of the frozen tundra, has licked all the frosting off the ice cream cake. Awesome, now another night of him scratching himself raw while I lay next to him mumbling "Don't scratch. Rub." at 2am, 4am, 6am,...
It's not Big Bertha's fault that we have ice cream in the freezer. It's not Jackalope's fault that he wants something sweet. But for the love of mothers everywhere, is there a lock for this kind of frig?! I can't find one so we employ a series of knots and twists of rope around and through the frig and freezer handles to make it impossible to open. By adults too. And once I'm done securing the freezer like Fort Knox, someone always walks up to me "Mommy, can I have..."
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